Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist
The Lesson Journal of Judith Tarr

tuesday, November 4

Three weeks, we agreed, is too long between lessons at this stage. I didn't ride enough last week, between excessive late-season heat, exhaustion, depression, and ongoing mechanical failures. The clothes dryer and dishwasher both went splooie. The dishwasher was covered by the homeshield policy. The dryer was not. Both are now replaced, after some alarums and not a few excursions.

Anyway.

My problem between the last session and now has been excessive tension in the midsection, and having trouble relaxing enough to get the big gaits. There has been some good stuff: smooth transitions to sitting trot for Pook, and some very interesting canter with Capria. But I've been missing something.

That something, S said, is verticality. I still, when I hear the word "seat" or "forward," sit back and clamp. She told me today to "decrease the distance between your hipbones and your ribs." What that did, technically, was straighten my lower back and open up my seatbones. Then she showed me by holding the whip upright next to me, how far behind the vertical I was when I felt as if I was leaning forward. I felt as if I was in a two-point when I was actually vertical. The proof was that Pooka's movement opened up significantly. When I reverted to perceptual vertical, he slowed and stiffened and even stopped.

"Float forward with your upper body," she said. And "open up a space for his back to expand into."

How to relax tension? Breathe. And achieve verticality.

When this is achieved, Pooka has a job to do as well. His center of balance is where I've always felt the lift when he's been able to collect: at the base of his neck. With a longer horse, it's farther back (Capria's is right under my seat). He's so compact and has so much neck that his center is notably forward. More reason to be perfectly vertical, because if I lean back, I'm preventing his engine from engaging. I'm also causing him to lock the base of his neck. A problem with previous teaching has been that because it was so focused on a set position, any problems were interpreted not as problems with the position but as details that had to be tweaked or forced individually. Focusing on the whole picture instead of the individual bits has made it possible to pretty much disappear the individual problems. Like, me leaning right and collapsing my left side. And Pook being a right banana because of his asymmetrical neck, and being permanently locked in the shoulders.

Exercise to do daily if possible, before mounting or even when not riding: slide hand into groove of jaw and ask for flexion in jaw/poll while walking forward in hand. Couple of strides in one bend, couple in the next, back and forth, until he relaxes and flows into it. Which he will do quite quickly because, baby, it feels good.

Under saddle, once verticality is reached, encourage back to rise by softly and lightly bumping leg upward on each side in alternation. Hard to describe, not really a bump, and leg needs to be pretty much at the girth – the German-style leg 'way back is not useful with this horse, with his center of balance where it is. It's kind of a lift with pulsing, and it's subtle. Not a big kick-and-bump. When the exercise ball inflates, the neck stretches and the bend happens, and then it's possible to up the ante into a nice, swinging walk on the bit, and as this develops, to up the gait again into a sitting trot. And lo and behold, no leaning, bouncing, or bracing, and there's the bend – first time in his life he's had a bend in the trot. Going right this is easy. Going left, his stiff side, less so, but his weirdness and wtf-ing is totally new – instead of bracing laterally or throwing his head around or grinding to a halt, he's experimenting with where to go longitudinally. And, again for the first time, he's actually using his left hind instead of trying to forget he has one. That was a big WTF?!!!1!!!??? for him, and he had to stop and regroup a time or two, but he allowed as how he could maybe do it if he had to.

I'm supposed to ride him again tomorrow, because he'll probably be sore in the left rear quadrant and in the neck, and he needs a nice, swinging walk to loosen up and work out the owies.

More reason to be delighted that we're working with a bodywork person, who knows the anatomy and physiology of the horse as well as the technical aspects of the "riding lesson."

It's totally classical in the real sense. Feels really good to ride, too; this horse has always been stiff and resistant in subtle ways, and blocked and braced, and just generally not easy or all that happy to ride. He loves this and he feels wonderfully supple and soft, and as S observed, "This kind of work is designed to keep a horse sound for a long time." He's working his body harder and in more areas than he ever has, but it's good work, with real progress from session to session.

And so we booked another one in two weeks.

Addendum, Monday Nov. 10

Good things I thought I'd never see ...

Pandora halting perfectly square under saddle, with her hindlegs under her. Without application of spur, whip, or excess muscle. Just, you know, riding her in balance. Considering how many years she spent being a pasture horse, and how big she is, and the fact she's A Lady of a Certain Age (21 isn't old for a Lipp, but it's past first youth), and the six months off for the stifle injury, I would say I'm pleased.

Oh, and? No longer a left banana. That was coming from me.

Pooka eating his breakfast and me realizing he had something on his back that I'd never seen before.

Withers!

He never had any. When he was a baby, he had shoulder blades. Big, huge, beautiful shoulder blades. As he grew, he filled in, but I always figured the Perfect Pony's main imperfection (aside from being half a hand shorter than I had hoped--but still a perfect size for me) would always be his Witherless Wondertude.

And now he has them. They do say that if a horse is ridden correctly up in front (i.e. classically collected), his withers will come up. And lo, that is true. They're pretty nice, too, though when he lifts his head, The Neck disappears them. The Neck trumps all. And it, too, has changed, becoming straighter and more balanced and 'way, 'way longer.